The St.
Valentine’s Day will be celebrated globally on Sunday, February 14. The event
began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named
Valentinus. It is an official feast day in the Anglican Communion, as well as
in the Lutheran Church.
The
event, also known as the Feast of St Valentine, is a celebration of love
observed in many countries around the world. Initially, it was associated with
romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer when the tradition of courtly
love flourished in the middle ages.
In the
18th century England, St. Valentine’s Day evolved into an occasion in which
lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering
confectionery and sending greeting cards (known as ‘Valentines’).
Anyway,
that’s all good and well. Let us talk about romance, love, sex and why wearing
a condom can be extremely bad for you on that day.
I was
at the doctor’s clinic the other day with my farting problem. I said to him, “I
fart all the time! But the good part is that ‘they’ are silent and they don’t
smell. So, nobody knows. Ever since I stepped into your clinic, I have farted
about 20 times and nobody noticed.” He gave me some medicine and told me to
come after a week.
A week
later, I went fuming to his office and said, “What kind of medicine was that?
Now my farts stink like hell! The good thing is that they are still silent. So,
nobody knows I did it.”
Now,
the doctor calmly replied, “Okay, so your nose infection is cleared. Next, I
will give you medicine for your ears.”
Prevention of infection
For
those who have ears, please listen carefully. Condoms prevent sexually
transmitted infections. You have to wear it before sexual intercourse and be
strict about not allowing bodily fluid from your partner anywhere near your sex
organ. It prevents infections like gonorrhoea, herpes, herpatitis B and C,
syphilis and, of course, HIV.
The
thing about not using protection is that you risk catching an infection. You
risk passing an infection to your partner. Don’t forget that our bodies are
vastly different and a germ that may be local and friendly to you (not giving
you any symptoms or problems) may be dangerous to your partner. So, using a
condom protects you and your partner.
If you
don’t want to protect yourself, then you are playing the game, ‘Passemon’. The
sexually transmitted infection trading game! This game is a new craze that is
sweeping bedrooms across nations. Have you got chlamydimander? How about herpesaur? Or even gonococcus? Collect and
swap them now with your friends!
So, St.
Valentine’s Day is a great time to catch as many infections as possible. It
will guarantee a visit to the doctors in March with a nasty urinary tract
infection, a cold sore, itchy vagina full of smelly discharge, a penis clothed
with warts and a possible positive HIV test.
The St.
Valentine’s Day could be the best, most romantic and funniest ever as long as
you do not let it go to your head. Lose your heart, but don’t lose your head.
You should be smart and avoid situations that lead to problems when morning
comes. Take this case, for example: A chap thought it would be pretty funny
putting a pin through all of his best friends’ condoms. It did seem like a good
idea at the time. Unfortunately, it seriously backfired when he found out his
own wife was pregnant. For the best friend!
Prevention of pregnancy
Wearing
a good condom on St. Valentine’s Day could be an effective way of preventing
pregnancy and therefore limiting your chances of having a baby by Christmas.
Among the Yoruba, a December baby is rather special and likely to be called,
‘Abiodun’, just like yours truly.
Studies
have suggested that babies born around November and December are better behaved
and more intelligent than those born in the summer months.
Scientists
at both Harvard and Queensland (Australia) universities took a look at the
statistics and found that children born in November and December tended to be
longer at birth than those born in the summer. By the age of seven, the
winter-born kids were heavier, taller, and had larger head circumference than
their peers. This means that if you want to give birth to an astronaut or a
rocket scientist, ditch the condom in February and March. Also, ensure your
partner stops taking contraceptive pills from now. No point climbing two
mountains in one night.
NB: The
morning after pill is currently the safest way to prevent pregnancy after
unprotected sexual intercourse or contraception failure, with low incidence of
side effects. It is very unlikely that you will have any serious or long-term
side effects after taking it. If you do want to prevent having a December baby,
then rush to your local chemist on Monday 15 and get ‘Postinor’.
Source: Punchng
No comments:
Post a Comment