Remember when you first met
your partner? Did you find them physically attractive? For most of
us, the answer is yes. It is one of the primary reasons given for
deciding to date a particular person in the first place.
When you first became
involved, you probably gave a lot of thought to what you would wear and how you
would look before stepping out the door to meet your special someone.
Movies and television show the importance of a relationship by how many changes
of clothes a character goes through before finding the perfect outfit that
makes them irresistible.
The importance
of physical attraction
It should,
therefore, come as no surprise that physical attractiveness is recognised as an
emotional need for many people, especially men. This desire to be found
attractive drives the beauty, diet and plastic surgery industries. So why
is it thought to be a superficial desire once you are a part of an established
couple? If what your partner looked like was a key part of what made you
interested in them, why shouldn’t it still matter years later?
The expression,
familiarity breeds contempt, comes to mind. A certain level of relaxation
in your own home is to be expected, but it’s a fine line into no longer making
an effort to take care of yourself. It also puts you or your partner in a
difficult position.
What your
partner won’t say
It is very
difficult to tell your partner that you no longer find them attractive.
Most of us recognise that is a hurtful statement and you undoubtedly still love
many things about your partner. You might make subtle efforts–buy them a
new outfit, invite them to the gym with you, misplace their favorite pair of
sweats, etc. You might even make specific requests on some
occasions–asking your partner to shave, wear the blue dress or skip the second
helping so you can have leftovers for lunch. But usually, you don’t get
more direct than that because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Unfortunately,
subtle doesn’t often work. You’re left with the choice of being direct,
and hurting your partner’s feelings, or not saying anything and getting
frustrated. The problem with the latter is that your frustration will
come out anyway. You will look for ways to avoid being in intimate
situations with your partner, your relationship will suffer, and your partner
won’t have a clue.
What you both
should be doing is what you did when you first met–bringing your best physical
self to the relationship by:
- Taking care of yourself physically
No matter what
your age, you can be healthy. Healthy people are attractive people.
This means caring about your weight, your diet, your level of exercise and
amount of sleep you get. Normal aging and body changes due to
pregnancy or other physical conditions are to be expected and respected.
- Practicing good hygiene
Bathing
regularly, brushing your teeth, shaving, etc., should be no brainers. It
is a matter of respect to your partner and your relationship. No one
wants to cuddle up to someone who smells.
- Taking an effort with your appearance
Get out of your
old sweats and dirty jeans. Put on a nice shirt, some makeup or
perfume. If you dress nicely for others, doesn’t your partner deserve the
same care?
- Honouring reasonable requests from your partner
Wearing the
cologne or hairstyle your spouse finds attractive is about doing something
loving for them. Dressing nicely or leaving the baseball cap at home when
you go to dinner may be the same. Small gestures that cost you little can
have big payoffs in how your partner feels about you and the relationship.
- Stopping annoying habits
Again, there
should be some ability to be “off” in your home, but when you live with someone
else, letting it all hang out may be problematic. Leaving the room when
you need to pass gas, chewing with your mouth closed, scratching your private
parts in private, drinking milk out of a glass and not the carton, will go a
long way to remaining attractive in your partner’s eyes.
Courtesy:
http://foundationscoachingnc.com
No comments:
Post a Comment