Every marriage comes
with its own set of strengths, challenges and expectations. Nowhere is this
truer than perhaps in a long distance marriage where spouses are compelled to
stay away from each other for reasons of profession, the availability of educational
or healthcare facilities or any other reason.
The lack of physical togetherness
is the biggest impediment to the survival of a long distance marriage. It is
not just about losing out on physical intimacy – which plays an important part
in any marriage – but also missing the support of a spouse, both in good times
and bad. However, at the same time such marriages are better prepared to
weather any major crisis since it is based on deep understanding and trust
between two people. Here are a few factors which can determine whether a long
distance marriage can eventually survive its unique challenges.
Visual connection
Being visually
connected makes a huge difference to the happiness of long distance marriage
partners. The internet has proved to be a boon for all these people by offering
free phone services like Skype which enables people to communicate visually in
real time through the means of a webcam. Other than that, couples should also
regularly send photos of each other which will enable the other partner to keep
a visual record of all that is going on.
Mutual trust
The importance of this
factor in the success of a long distance marriage cannot be overemphasised.
When partners are living out of each other’s sight, it is essential that they
trust each other completely. As soon as one spouse begins to suspect the other
of infidelity or even loss of interest, the marriage is headed for rocky times.
The presence of mutual trust becomes paramount in a long distance marriage
because here, unlike as in regular marriages, partners cannot meet every day to
iron out small, niggling doubts and queries. They have to put their trust in
each other and have faith that the other person will not do anything to
jeopardise their relationship.
Honesty in the
relationship
A long distance
marriage needs to be built on honest and open communication if it is to survive
in the long run. Partners need to be able to express their feelings about the
separation – both negative and positive – truthfully. Only then will they be able
to understand each other completely and get the support that either needs to
tide over the separation. Spouses need to express their resentment at their
situation rather than at each other and look forward to the time when they will
be together.
Positive attitude
A long distance
marriage has little chance of working if the partners are perpetually
distressed over the situation. Things can get even worse if one of the partners
feels that the other is having an easier time of it and it is alright for him
or her to stay away. In order to make a long distance marriage a success,
it is necessary that both spouses handle the separation with a positive
attitude. They would do better to focus on the reason why they have decided to
live separately like higher pay or better educational options for one of the
spouses. If one keeps in mind the higher quality of life being enjoyed as a
result of the arrangement, the family may not feel so bad about living
separately
Perception of distance
If both spouses have
been brought up in families where absence was the norm, the distance is not
likely to matter much. For instance children of military personnel are used to
having one of the parents away and find nothing wrong in such family
configurations. If the marriage is made up of partners, both of whom come from
a similar background, they are more likely to weather the periods of separation
with a smile. On the other hand if one of the partners has always seen his or
her parents together, then the absence becomes a matter completely beyond their
experience. For them being a couple equals being together and such partners are
unlikely to be secure in long distance marriages.
So a long distance
marriage need not be doomed from the start. While physical closeness is
necessary in maintaining the bond between a husband and wife, of far greater
importance is mutual love and trust in making a success of any marriage –
whether long distance or not. Admittedly, a long distance marriage demands that
spouses put in harder work into the relationship but then the chances of its
succeeding are also higher than regular marriages where partners begin to take
each other and their togetherness for granted.
Reference:
tribuneonlineng
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