No doubt, sex plays a great role in the success of a marriage. As I always say, the quality of your sex life will determine the quality of your marriage. You don’t get to see a couple in court seeking divorce who are still enjoying having sex with each other but the moment their sex altar breaks down, the marriage heads for the rock. So, the issue of sex in marriage cannot be overemphasized. Therefore, it becomes imperative for a couple who seek to succeed in marriage to pay quality attention to their sex life.
For most men, their wife is the problem. She is the culprit. She is the offender. She is the one that is not cooperating. She is the one that needs to be dealt with. Though I am a marriage counsellor, I am also a woman. And as a woman, I know what goes on in the mind of your wife. The issue of sex has caused some rifts in my home too in time past, but the truth is, an average man does not know how to get his wife to want to have sex with him when he wants it. For most men, how ‘tactical’ they are in sex and how satisfied she is this time around should make her to want it the next time he calls on her. And it becomes worrisome to him when he beckons on her this time around and in spite of all her ‘groaning’ the last time, she seems not interested. He begins to wonder what kind of being she is.
The truth is, when it comes to what makes a woman to want to have sex with her husband, it is an issue most men have no clue about. Every man needs to know that because of the sexual make up of a woman, what puts her in a form whereby she’s able to appreciate her husband’s sexual advances are not sexual, ie they are things that have nothing to do with sex. Rather, they are things that captures a woman’s heart such as communication, spending time with her and making her feel secure. This short excerpt from Dave Willis’ 4 Things Every Wife Desires From Her Husband will be a blessing to you and give you a hedge in this matter.
1. Open, honest, consistent communication
Communication does for a marriage what breathing does for your lungs. Be willing to turn off ESPN and put your iPhone down and engage in meaningful conversation. Never hide anything from her! Build a foundation of trust, honesty and open communication. Every one of your words and every action is either building more of her trust or eroding her trust in you. Remove distractions and make communication a high priority.
2. Protection (Physical, emotional and financial protection).
You should be the one who wipes away your wife’s tears; not the one who causes them! Develop the discipline to work hard inside and outside the home to make your wife feel like the safest and most secure woman on earth. Have the courage to fight for your family and the faith to recognize that you need a power greater than your own. The Bible challenges us by saying…“Don’t be afraid of the enemy! Remember the Lord, who is great and glorious, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes!” (Nehemiah 4:14)
3. Your time. (Both “quality time” and “quantity time”)
Time is the “currency” of relationships, so invest as much time as you can into your marriage. You need to make money, but don’t use your career as an excuse to be absent. When you are home, be present, not distracted or glued to a screen. Work hard, but also remember that your family can do with less of almost anything if it means having more of you.
4. Continuous pursuit
For most of us, we gave our wives the best we had in the very beginning, but just like a cable TV company that offers their best package, pricing and service at the beginning and then changes all the rules after the “promotional period” expires, many of us have stopped giving our wives the best of ourselves. We’ve allowed romance to fade. Our wives need and deserve our continued adoration, thoughtfulness and love. Give her your very best each an every day!
In my last week article, I talked on the fact that a woman’s number one sex organ is her mind. When your woman if happy with you and she’s made to feel secure, her mind will be open to appreciate a sexual advance you made to her.