Between work, family and life’s many
other demands, sex can quickly fall to the bottom of a person’s to-do list.
Even when stressed-out, couples do have time to connect physically, they are
often so tired, worried and disconnected, such that sex is the last thing on
their minds.
Stress might also affect men and
women differently. It is believed that men and women both went into
“fight-or-flight” mode when faced with stressful situations, as this is what
early humans would have done when confronted with dangers, such as wild animals.
However, belief that women actually
go into “tend-or-befriend” mode when stressed. Division of labour in the early
days of humankind meant that men often went out to hunt, while women stayed
“home” with the children. When dangerous situations arose, women don’t go out
to battles, but stay back, caring for the young and bonding with other women.
This automatically means that for
today’s relationships, when confronted with stress, men tend to want to escape,
maybe disappearing into their man-cave with their favourite video game or a
six-pack. Many men release stress with some type of physical exertion
like exercise or sexual activity.
Women, on the other hand, might be
more interested in bonding and curling up on the couch, wanting to cling close
to their family. They might reach out to their friends for a long talk or
simply get lost in the latest episode of scandal. Whatever their comfort of
choice, sex is often the last thing on a woman’s mind after the end of a long
day, especially when feeling physically and emotionally drained.
Though one cannot generalise with
these examples; while men often use sex as a way to relieve stress, certain
types of stress can also make men shut down sexually. For instance, if a man is
worried about his job or his financial situation, he may withdraw from
sex. Many men define masculinity as ability to take care of one’s family.
If they feel they are failing in that front, it often negatively impacts their
desire and their ability to perform in the bedroom.
Here are some other things to keep
in mind when dealing with stress and sex:
•Don’t wait until the end of the day
to have sex; try finding alternate times to enjoy sexual pleasure. Instead of
waiting until 11.00 p.m. when you are exhausted and just want to fall into bed,
consider early morning sex or having sex in the shower before heading out for
work.
•Don’t write-off sexual pleasure.
This doesn’t mean that you should have sex when you really aren’t in the mood.
It does mean you should be open to the idea of having sex and indulge in plenty
of kissing and physical affection throughout the day. Even if it doesn’t lead
to sex, affection will keep you bonded and more ready for sex when the time is
right.
•Take care of your health. It is
easy to turn to food or alcohol or other substances for comfort when you are
stressed, but doing so will only wreak further havoc on your sexual desire.
Instead, utilise healthy stress-management tools. Exercise frequently, eat well
and make your health a priority. Sex can be an important part of a healthy
lifestyle. Not only does sex burn calories and make you feel good, it also can
decrease stress.
Source: tribuneonlineng
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